When God takes

This last week with news of Hurricane Harvey and Houston,… people have gotten very sick for some reason and the staff are overwhelmed and distracted.

We continue to pray as when God and the force of nature decides to take someone, even if they are passing away in front of another’s eyes, they just cannot be brought back to life. These events are unfortunate and it always make people wonder in grief, but we are not God. There are so much limitations in how much a person can do.

In the while, I pray for myself due to colleagues who reports information incorrectly because of their own surface interpretation.  For people who hears these things and are not receiving such information from first hand experience.

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Relax your mind

Avalokitesvara is “the one who looks deeply into the world and hears the cries of the world.” This voice relieves our suffering and suppressed feelings, because it is the voice of someone who understands us deeply — our anguish, despair, and fear. When we feel understood, we suffer much less.

It’s that time of year..

We get 360 degrees evaluations. However, when you don’t perform as well, you’re under constant scrutiny and your job is no longer secure. The amount of stress induced by this type of environment is beyond imagination. The only way to cope with this type of stress is when I can remind myself that this work is not the final option. If a negative connotation has been imposed like a stone that weighs heavy on me, I have to slip beneath it and come out otherwise I will be crushed completely. It’s even worse that you’re not allowed to discuss this with anyone at all because they will evaluate it as a sign of weakness and unprofessional and this too ends up on your evaluation as cynicism and failure.

Just get the hardest year over and it will be behind me.

Why?

Poem

Why? :

I know a curious little boy,

Who is always asking “Why?”

Why this, why that, why then, why now?

Why not, why by-the-by?

He wants to know why wood should swim,

Why lead and marble sink,

Why sun should shine and wind should blow

And why we eat and drink.

He wants to know what makes the clouds

And why they cross the sky,

Why sinks the sun behind the hills

And why the flowers die.

Some of these why’s are not too hard

To answer if you’ll try;

Others no one ever yet

Has found the reason why.

UNKNOWN AUTHOR

On Joy and Sorrow

On Joy and Sorrow
 Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater thar sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

When you don’t see what others do

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So, the most difficult thing happened to me this week. I was chastised because there is a blind spot that I still have not seen about myself. Change is extremely hard at this time because you see only what you want to see…. Medicine has changed in the direction where people cannot provide quality care for their patients anymore in one visit. The goal is getting quantity over quality for the longest time. I’ve heard that the new way of healthcare would like to promote quality over quantity, but I have yet to see this change.

Everyone wanted me to change to their style of work so that I could be more efficient. It’s not that I haven’t reflected on that, but I’m so slow to change. I was however, in complete utter shock when my boss went at me for 20 minutes straight.

I was dumped the most difficult of patients who require a lot of attention and care. I believe, I am really blessed though because God wants me to take care of them and at the same time they will come back more often to see me. It’s the type of relationship that I’ve been praying for. So why should I complain?

……. I suppose I just want to be treated well, and be talked to in less demeaning way. I am just another human being after all. In my heart there’s still a glimmer of hope that medicine still has compassion for mankind, it doesn’t matter if you’re a patient or just another healthcare provider.

Despite all these workshops and lectures out there discussing “BURN OUT”, do people not realize we aren’t physically burnt from overworking, but it’s really the fact that there are stressors and inputs from every direction that drive to emotional  and morale burn out? These are really the main reasons for job dissatisfaction. For people to become overwhelmed and depressed for no reason. It’s constructive if it builds a person, … not demoralize them.

burnout

 

Thank God, I found my resilience in the one promise I made to myself: that I would treat my patients with the most respect and give them the best care that I can do within my own limitations.

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